he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
