I smell stomach acid.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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