I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
