dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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