so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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