When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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