dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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