Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
