also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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