dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
