shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
