wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
how drunk are you?
Several
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
