lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
