I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
