I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
