Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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