i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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