I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
