i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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