I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
