I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
