Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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