After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
