be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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