I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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