I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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