Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
