Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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