Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
