I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
