You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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