If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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