I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
