Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
