So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
