Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
