highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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