She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
