It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
