Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
