The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
