I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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