You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
