she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
