Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
MIDGETS
????
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
