I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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