Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
