Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
