I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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