He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
